you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
