I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
