life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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