The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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