So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
