i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
