What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
