Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
