he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
