oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
