First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
