Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I had to cum in my sink.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
