apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
