My room smells like vodka and shame
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
