yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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