I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
