I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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