Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
