Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
