There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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