My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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