I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
