no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
