I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
