Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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