Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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