i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
