While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
