my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
