so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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