he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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