Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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