just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
