The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize