accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
