Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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