I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
