Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize