So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
