organizing the empties. That sober.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
