Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
