What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
