I can tuck mytits in my pants
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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