so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
