They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
