So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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