I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
