idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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