Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Less talking, more tequila
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
