i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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