Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
