I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
