My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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