I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
