Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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