I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
