booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
