who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
