I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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