THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
