Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Im part way to drunk.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
