i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize