Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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