I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
