My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize